We Were Never Meant to Parent Alone

You may have heard the expression that it takes a village to raise a child. But somewhere along the way, many of us lost our villages.

For much of human history, raising children was a shared responsibility. In many communities, extended family, neighbors, and other trusted adults helped care for children, shared wisdom and traditions, and supported one another through the challenges of family life.

Of course, these arrangements varied across cultures and generations, and weren’t always equitable or nurturing. But the underlying principle remains important: raising children has rarely been something parents were expected to do entirely on their own.

Today, many of us live far from extended family, juggle demanding schedules, and have limited time for connection. In many Western societies, the emphasis on the nuclear family has placed much of the responsibility for raising children on one or two caregivers.

We may have hundreds of social media connections, yet still long for someone to show up with a meal, watch our kids for an afternoon, or simply sit beside us when life feels overwhelming.

And while we’re intentional about nurturing our children’s friendships and sense of belonging, we sometimes overlook how much we need connection and community as parents, too.

Building Our Own Village

When my children were younger, another mom and I came up with a simple arrangement that became one of my favorite parenting memories.

We both had two young kids, and we decided to trade babysitting once a month.

One weekend, I’d drop my kids off at her house with a large pizza for all four children to share. My husband and I would then enjoy a few uninterrupted hours together, usually grabbing a quick bite and catching a matinee at our local movie theater. I still remember seeing Bohemian Rhapsody and A Star Is Born within a few months of each other—especially remarkable because we hadn’t been to a movie theater since our first child was born, eight years earlier!

On another weekend, she’d drop her kids off with me and enjoy the same free time with her partner.

It was a win for everyone. Our children, who were already good friends, got to play together. We each enjoyed time with our partners without the expense of hiring a babysitter. And when it was my turn to host, I experienced the pleasure of offering something meaningful to another family.

Service has always been something I value, and I loved that this arrangement allowed me to both give and receive support. We were simply two families with young kids finding a way to make life a little easier for one another.

Looking back, I realize it wasn’t just about shared babysitting. It was about building community.

The Joy of Parenting Alongside Others

We often think about community in terms of the support it provides during difficult times. But there’s another dimension that’s just as important: the joy of sharing our parenting journeys.

There’s something reassuring about discovering that another parent’s child also refuses to wear the brand new jeans they insisted on buying, or that they, too, have lost their patience over something seemingly insignificant.

Stories that felt frustrating or embarrassing in the moment can become humorous when shared with someone who understands. We laugh at our parenting missteps, recognize that we’re all figuring things out, and take a sigh of relief as we realize, Oh, it’s not just me.

These moments of shared humor and vulnerability can help us move away from self-judgment and toward greater self-compassion.

And there’s joy in celebrating together, too. Watching our children grow up alongside their friends, sharing milestones, and cheering one another on can enrich our lives in unexpected ways.

Community allows us to share not only the challenge of parenting, but also its joy and wonder.

Sharing the Weight of Difficult Times

Of course, some seasons of parenting are more challenging than others. The birth of a new baby, or a parent becoming ill. A child may be struggling, or a family might experience a loss or unexpected crisis.

During these times, community can become a lifeline.

I remember the other parents at my son’s preschool sharing meals with me after my second child was born. And a neighbor offering to carpool our teens recently to a party across town. Or the comfort of a friend who checked in a few weeks after a loss, when the initial rush of support had quieted down.

One of my dear friends used to say that a burden shared is a burden halved. While sharing our struggles doesn’t make them disappear, being supported can make them feel more bearable.

And when we offer our own time, attention, or care, we strengthen the relationships that sustain us.

Belonging isn’t only about knowing someone will be there for us. It’s also about knowing that we matter to others, and that we have something meaningful to contribute.

Three Small Ways to Strengthen Your Parenting Village

Building community takes intention, especially when our schedules are full. Here are three suggestions for how to start:

1. Reach Out and Make a Connection

Think of another parent or caregiver you’d like to know better or reconnect with. Send a text, suggest a walk, or arrange a casual playdate.

If reaching out feels vulnerable (I see you, fellow introverts), remember that the other person may be longing for connection, too.

2. Offer Support in a Way That Feels Manageable

Could you offer to pick up a friend’s child from an activity, drop off a meal, or invite another family’s kids over for an afternoon?

Small, sustainable acts of care can strengthen relationships and make everyday life a little easier.

3. Practice Letting Others Show Up for You

For some of us, offering help comes more naturally than asking for it. I relate to this!

The next time someone offers support, consider saying yes. Or think about one small request you could make of someone you trust.

Allowing ourselves to receive care is also an important part of building community.